Managerial Antipatterns – What’s the Devil Whispering to Managers?

Reading Time: 18 minutes.

If you’ve ever worked under a leader whose behavior left you frustrated or confused, quietly wondering “why are we doing it this way?” — you’ll likely recognize some familiar patterns here.

This article explores managerial behaviors that quietly corrode trust, motivation, and team cohesion — often without anyone realizing it until things are already on fire.

Whether you’re navigating a tricky work environment, reflecting on your own leadership style, or just here for the drama, this guide will help you spot the warning signs, keep your team intact, and maybe save a few headaches along the way.

Each pattern is drawn from real-world experience — not theory — and comes with a twist: these aren’t just mistakes. They’re tempting. They feel like good leadership in the moment. Until they quietly ruin everything.

So read closely. You might find your boss in these pages. You might find yourself.

Either way… it’s better to cringe now than clean up later.

The real test? What you do once you recognize the pattern.

Throughout my career, I’ve worked under exceptional leaders — and a few who taught me painful lessons. I’ve tried to learn from both. Especially from the ones whose mistakes I sometimes repeated despite my best intentions.

What helped me most was the effort to understand those behaviors — not just criticize them.

This article began as a personal journal, evolved into a list of anti-patterns, and finally found its voice through the satirical brilliance of The Screwtape Letters — one of the many works by my favorite author, C.S. Lewis. The devilish yet insightful style of that book helped me process many workplace challenges by imagining:

“What has the devil been whispering to my manager all along?”

And so, I give you The Malifax Emails — a fictional inbox of guidance from Mentor Malifax, Senior Consultant at the Infernal Institute of Organizational Mismanagement.

Each email delivers the kind of advice no manager should follow — but many somehow do.

Disguised as “alignment”, “strategic focus”, or “leadership presence”, Malifax’s guidance helps you climb fast… by dragging everyone else down gently. 

And while this is fictional, the behaviors are all too real. 

Some are adopted without malice. Others come from stress, habit, or the desperate desire to look like they’ve got it all together. 

And some? Well, some come from watching Todd get promoted three times despite PowerPoint being his only hard skill.

After each email, I’ve included a short reflection: 

• Why it’s tempting (you’ve probably felt it)
• Why it’s harmful (you’ve definitely felt it)

Subject: Re: 2025 Objectives – All Set (Do Not Revisit)
From: malifax@iiom.org
To: ambitious.exec@yourcompany.com
CC: optics@corp.com, kpi-theatrics@iiom.org
BCC: promotion-tracker@iiom.org
Attachment: 2025_Goals_FINAL_no_really_FINAL_this_time.pptx

Dear initiate,

Congratulations on completing the goal-setting ritual. SMART, beautifully formatted, the works. Leadership is pleased.

Now, the next step: bury them.

Store those KPIs somewhere safe — ideally, a SharePoint no one can find. Mention them once or twice in your All-Hands, then pivot.
  The goals aren't for tracking. They’re for positioning.
  Think of them as fire-and-forget initiatives — signals of direction without the burden of maintenance.

Revisiting them? That invites questions. And questions invite accountability.
Worse — it might lead to course correction. And course correction implies you were off course to begin with.

Instead, treat each new year as a clean slate. Update the deck. Rebrand the focus. Reframe the past.
Keep the team hustling toward something that always feels just out of sync — not because they failed, but because the story evolved.

Progress is dangerous. Motion is safe.

Yours in elegant aimlessness,
Malifax
Senior Mentor, Infernal Institute of Organizational Mismanagement

"Clarity is overrated. Control is earned."

Confidential: This communication is intended for recipients pursuing optics-driven advancement. Do not share with your reports. If found by HR, deny context.

---

🕶️ Why it’s tempting:
Setting KPIs feels productive and strategic. Once they’re announced, managers often feel the job is done. It’s easy to assume execution will “just happen” — especially in fast-paced environments where checking back feels like slowing down.

🧨 Why it’s harmful:
Ignoring goals after they’re set breaks trust. Teams stop believing in planning. Progress becomes guesswork, and morale suffers when nobody knows if they’re succeeding or failing.

---

Common phrases from the KPI Illusionist

• “That was more of a North Star than a goal”
• “We’ve pivoted since then”
• “Let’s revisit this next cycle”
• “I think we hit the spirit of it”

Subject: Re: Empowerment Risks & Centralized Excellence
From: malifax@iiom.org
To: ambitious.exec@yourcompany.com
CC: alignment@corp.com, approvals@iiom.org
BCC: reputation-protection@iiom.org
Attachment: DecisionMatrix_V2_DoNotShare.xlsx

My outcome-obsessed disciple,

Let’s dispense with the myth of empowered teams.

Autonomy is a liability — it breeds ideas, questions, and worst of all, initiative. Your job isn’t to grow thinkers. It’s to build a team that moves without hesitation — and ideally, without thought. Like a machine. Or a musical instrument. Or a broom.

Letting your subordinates make decisions, take risks, or — heaven forbid — disagree with you will only dilute your control. Instead, you must remain the singular brain in the organism. Let their hands move — but only under your strings.

Control every decision. Review every slide. Override every choice — even the small ones. Especially  the small ones. That’s where they start getting bold.

If someone pushes back, smile. Say you’re “ensuring alignment”. Then override them anyway. Bonus points for changing direction next week without notice.

This isn’t micromanagement. It’s strategic guardianship.
And in time, they’ll stop trying. You won’t need to pull the strings — they’ll start pulling themselves.

That’s not compliance. That’s loyalty, bought cheap.

Keep their leash short,
Malifax
Mentor of Micromanagers & Middlemen

"Leadership is clarity. Yours, not theirs"

---

🕶️ Why it’s tempting:
Managers fear losing control or being outshined. Some were promoted for being great executors — so they stay in execution mode instead of transitioning to empowerment. Controlling everything feels like protecting quality. It reinforces the manager’s role as “indispensable” and keeps things moving fast — on the surface.

🧨 Why it’s harmful:
Micromanagement crushes motivation and slows delivery. Constant shifts without justification create confusion and destroy trust in leadership. Talented people leave. Mediocre ones stay — quietly. People learn to comply, not contribute — and the manager becomes the bottleneck for every decision.

---

Subject: Re: Roadmapping for Year's Objectives (Just Kidding)
From: malifax@iiom.org
To: instinct-led.lead@yourcompany.com
CC: agility-first@corp.com, last-minute-heroes@iiom.org
BCC: plausible-deniability@iiom.org
Attachment: PlanningTemplate_EmptyButStylish.pptx

My instinct-driven initiate,

Let’s be honest: planning is for the uncreative.
When someone asks for timelines or resource forecasts, respond with a smile and a shrug. Say things like:
   “We’ll figure it out as we go.”
   “I prefer to stay lean.”
   “Let’s not over-engineer this.”

If challenged, remind them: “Real leaders adapt”.

And when things go sideways (as they will), take comfort in this truth: you never promised anything concrete. Claim that no plan could’ve accounted for this situation — which, conveniently, you didn’t have anyway.
   No roadmap? No accountability.
   No structure? No paper trail.

   Your team may ask, “Why weren’t we informed?”
   You’ll say, “We needed flexibility.”
   They’ll say, “We could’ve planned for this.”
   You’ll say, “Really? No one did.”

Surprise them often. Notify them late. Preferably right before go-time. This builds resilience.

Only amateurs prepare,
Malifax
Strategic Disorganizer-in-Chief

"Predictability is for followers. You? You're dynamic."

Confidential: This message contains unstructured leadership principles. For best results, communicate it three minutes before kickoff.

---

🕶️ Why it’s tempting:
Planning takes time. In uncertain environments, it feels safer to “stay flexible” and respond as things unfold — especially when you’ve seen plans get tossed anyway. Some managers over-index on reactivity, fearing wasted effort or decision paralysis.

🧨 Why it’s harmful:
Without plans, coordination collapses. Trust erodes. Surprises multiply. Teams feel ambushed, overwhelmed, and burned out by constant chaos. It causes avoidable mistakes, creates unnecessary stress, and fosters a culture of last-minute firefighting. High performers seek clarity — not chaos.

---

Malifax’s Anti-Planning Phrases

“Let’s not waste time planning.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”

“Everyone just needs to be more adaptable.”

“The best plan is no plan.”

Subject: Re: Timeline Reality Check — Let’s Challenge It a Bit
From: malifax@iiom.org
To: delivery-optimist@yourcompany.com
CC: narrative-strategy@corp.com, slide-polish@iiom.org
BCC: accountability-deflection@iiom.org
Attachment: Forecast_Optimistic_View_v4.pptx

My tactically optimistic apprentice,

Deadlines are not truths — they are instruments. And the first rule of instruments? They must play the tune you want.

When your team presents an estimate that doesn’t fit your narrative — perhaps it’s too long, too careful, too realistic — don’t object. 

Just smile… and begin to “collaborate”.

Ask a few harmless questions:
  “Could we challenge that a bit?”
  “What if we staffed it differently?”
  “What’s the fastest we could do it if we really needed to impress the board this quarter?”

Do this just long enough for them to adjust the number. Then lock it in. You now have:
✅ An aggressive timeline
✅ A great-looking slide
✅ Full plausible deniability if it all goes sideways

If it slips?
Not your fault.
After all, it was their estimate.
You just encouraged ambition.

This isn’t deceit.
This is visibility management.

Let optimism do the damage,
Malifax
Senior Strategist of Slipped Commitments

“Hope is not a strategy. But it sure looks great in a deck.”

Confidential: This email is intended for strategic reshaping of narratives, not delivery. Do not forward to actual engineers.

---

Malifax’s Estimation Script

• “That seems very pessimistic.”
• “Let’s assume everything goes right.”
• “How fast could we do it if we had to?”
• “Put the best-case scenario on the slide. We’ll manage expectations privately.”

---

🕶️ Why it’s tempting:
Fits leadership narratives. This makes you look bold and aligned with urgency. You get to present impressive timelines to leadership without technically overruling your team — and retain an escape hatch if things fail.

🧨 Why it’s harmful:
This turns planning into performance theater. Teams are pressured to commit to numbers they don’t believe in, then blamed when reality hits. Over time, they stop speaking honestly — estimates become political, not practical. Trust erodes. Quality suffers. Everyone learns to smile while quietly bracing for failure.

---

Subject: Re: Visibility Strategy — You Are the Story
From: malifax@iiom.org
To: rising.star@yourcompany.com
CC: brand-positioning@iiom.org, humblebrag-team@corp.com
BCC: awards-nominations@iiom.org
Attachment: TeamSuccess_YourFaceFirst_v5.pptx

My aspiring star,

Remember this: you are the sun. Your team? Mere satellites.

Every success shines brightest when reflected off your forehead.

So in leadership meetings, on LinkedIn posts, and in polished slide decks: be the hero. Position yourself as the architect behind every win. Acknowledge your team just enough to seem humble – a brief mention in a footnote, a screenshot with everyone’s faces blurred, that sort of thing.

Never forget: they were lucky to have you leading them.
Their performance? Merely proof of your visionary guidance.

And yes, some naive souls will say things like “Share the credit” or “Lift others up”. But in this market? 

If someone on your team implemented the feature, wrote the pitch, or carried the sprint — that’s fine.
Just be the one explaining it to leadership.

After all, who got promoted?
You did. Your promotion wasn’t an accident. Surely their results are proof of your leadership. Why risk their recognition interfering with your narrative?

Visibility is zero-sum. Win it. Own the narrative. Be the brand.

Onward and upward (alone),
Malifax
Master of Brand Management (Personal Edition)

---

🕶️ Why it’s tempting:
In competitive, political environments, visibility feels like survival. Managers are often evaluated on perceived ownership — and claiming success (even subtly) can fast-track recognition. 

Symptoms of Spotlight Addiction:

• “We” in failures, “I” in wins
• Team results featured only after your photo
• Team members finding out their own success from your LinkedIn post

🧨 Why it’s harmful:
When leaders hoard credit, teams disengage. It kills trust, morale, and loyalty. Worse, top performers may leave for environments where they’re recognized, and those who stay stop trying to perform.

---

Subject: Re: Team Morale & Optics – Shipshape as Always
From: malifax@iiom.org
To: perception-first.lead@yourcompany.com
CC: kpi-polishing@corp.com, culture-staging@iiom.org
BCC: narrative-control@iiom.org
Attachment: MoraleSnapshot_Q2_PositiveSpinOnly.pptx

My image-conscious protégé,

Let us be clear: in modern leadership, perception > reality. 

If the ship is sinking — but the crew is smiling and the deck looks clean — then to your boss, the ship is sailing beautifully. No need to fix the leak. Just mop faster and cue the applause when leadership walks by.

Don’t waste time solving problems. Manage the optics.

    Dashboards? Show the metrics that sparkle. Reframe the rest.
    Surveys? Nudge the team — “It’s just a pulse check,” you’ll say, smiling.
    Office energy? Stage it. Pizza, swag, mandatory cheer.
    Leadership visits? Fill the room, pump the vibe, cue the dog-and-pony show.

If something explodes, say you’ve already “taken steps”. Bonus points if those steps involve a spreadsheet with no actual plan behind it.

The truth is messy and this isn’t lying. It’s reputation architecture.

Remember: in most companies, no one knows what’s real — but everyone has a perception.
Make sure the one about you looks like progress.

Craft the illusion,
Malifax
Fellow of the Order of Optics & Optics

“Success is a state of mind — especially your boss’s”

Malifax’s Visibility Toolkit

• Office full on exec visit days
• Fake “team energy” events
• Carefully edited dashboards
• Survey nudging disguised as “clarity”

---

🕶️ Why it’s tempting:
Managers often feel judged by surface-level metrics or executive impressions. When performance is hard to quantify, controlling the narrative feels like survival — especially when others are doing the same.

🧨 Why it’s harmful:
It replaces honesty with theater. Trust erodes. Real problems go unspoken, unaddressed, and unresolved — until they become impossible to hide. Teams lose faith in leadership when they see reality distorted. It creates a culture of dishonesty, silences real issues, and eventually implodes under pressure. Leaders who chase visibility over substance lose both.

---

Subject: Re: Decision Clarity – Optional
From: malifax@iiom.org
To: leadership.track@yourcompany.com
CC: authority@iiom.org, trust-me@corp.com
BCC: dissent-prevention@iiom.org
Attachment: VisionOutline_v1_BlankForNow.pptx

My dear Apprentice,

A common trap for new leaders is to explain themselves. Don’t fall for it.

When you make a decision, hold your tongue. If your team is truly competent, they’ll figure it out. If not, they’ve simply revealed their inadequacy — a performance issue, really.

Explaining yourself only invites questions. Questions invite opinions. Opinions invite dissent. And dissent? That slows everything down. Do you want a democracy, or do you want delivery?

Instead, cultivate an aura of mystique. Leave just enough ambiguity that they think they understand — but aren’t entirely sure.
Let them guess. Let them wonder what matters.

They’ll learn to stay alert.
To adapt.
To never feel safe.

In silence lies strength,
Malifax
Shadow Advisor to Fortune 666 Leaders

“A confused team is a compliant team.”

---

🕶️ Why it’s tempting:
Managers often assume their logic is obvious, or they’re under pressure to move fast. Explaining decisions feels like a luxury. Some believe transparency weakens authority or invites too much debate. It’s easier to skip the “why” and focus on execution.

🧨 Why it’s harmful:
When reasoning isn’t shared, teams can’t align or learn. Confusion creates rework, frustration, and disengagement. Over time, people stop asking why — and start doing only what they’re told. This kills ownership and accountability.

---

The Executive Mind-Reading Fallacy

“They should already know why we’re doing this.”
“If I explain it, I’ll look unsure.”
“I don’t owe them anything — I’m the manager.”

These are all perfectly acceptable thoughts… if you’re trying to cultivate distrust.

Subject: Re: Feedback from Below – A Learning Opportunity (for Them)
From: malifax@iiom.org
To: title-worthy.leader@yourcompany.com
CC: power-dynamics@iiom.org, listening-theatrics@corp.com
BCC: upward-filtering@iiom.org
Attachment: FeedbackResponseTemplate_v0.1_draft_neverused.docx

My title-bearing protégé,

By now, someone on your team has dared to offer you feedback. Adorable.

You must not, under any circumstance, listen. That path leads to self-reflection, humility, and other nonsense. 

You didn’t get promoted because you’re flawed.
You got promoted because you know better.

When someone gives you advice, nod graciously. Maybe thank them.
Then do exactly what you were going to do anyway.
Over time, they’ll stop wasting your time with their “insights.”

Should anyone ask, say things like:
    “I hear you.”
    “That’s helpful.”
    “I’ll take it under consideration.”
    Spoiler: You won’t.

Remember, feedback flows one way: downward.
Upward feedback is a gateway drug to accountability.
Block it early.

Remain superior,
Malifax
Author of "Upward Feedback: The Silent Killer"

"A good leader listens. A great one nods."

Confidential: Do not reply-all to this message. That creates the illusion of dialogue.

---

🕶️ Why it’s tempting:
Managers fear that acknowledging feedback will undermine authority, or that junior voices lack perspective. It’s easier to assume position = correctness.

Managerial Mantras to Avoid Reflection

• “They don’t see the big picture”
• “I’ve been doing this longer”
• “This is above their pay grade”
• “This isn’t a democracy”

🧨 Why it’s harmful:
Ignoring feedback shuts down growth. It signals that voices don’t matter — which kills initiative and honesty. Over time, people stop caring… or leave.

---

Subject: Re: Performance Feedback – Not Just About Checkboxes
From: malifax@iiom.org
To: evaluation-guru@yourcompany.com
CC: talent-strategy@iiom.org, performance-theater@corp.com
BCC: exit-risk-monitor@iiom.org
Attachment: PromotionCriteria_UnclearByDesign.pdf

Dear Master of Mayhem,

Clarity, while fashionable, is dangerously overrated.

Instead, cultivate a fog of performance standards.
Let your team chase feedback that always feels just out of reach. 

Say things like:
“More ownership.”
“Stronger presence.”
“Better alignment.”

Make growth feel possible, but never define how to achieve it. If pressed for details, sigh meaningfully and say: “It’s not just about checkboxes”.

This creates hope without direction — a perfect motivational cocktail.

When evaluation season comes, keep the real criteria unpublished.
You’ll need that flexibility when deciding who gets praise… and who gets “an opportunity to grow elsewhere.”

This isn’t confusion.
This is leverage.

And besides — in this market? Where would they go? Most won’t risk leaving unless they’re truly miserable.
And we don’t want misery — just uncertainty.
A little hope keeps them trying. A little fear keeps them in line.

Yours in elegant ambiguity,
Malifax
Senior Architect of Arbitrary Advancement

P.S. Make the rules fluid. That way, you can reward loyalty and punish attitude — not just results

Confidential: Share this philosophy in 1:1s only. Written definitions may be used against you.

---

Malifax’s Favorite Feedback Loop
• Vague input → Confused effort → Subjective review → Repeat

🕶️ Why it’s tempting:
Managers may lack clear directives themselves, or they believe ambiguity gives them flexibility. Others use it to retain power over promotions and avoid hard conversations.

🧨 Why it’s harmful:
Lack of clarity breeds anxiety, favoritism, and burnout. When people don’t know how to succeed, they either overwork or disengage. High performers won’t stick around. Mediocrity, meanwhile, flourishes.

---

Subject: Re: Process Improvements – Why Reinvent the Wheel?
From: malifax@iiom.org
To: copy-paste.leadership@yourcompany.com
CC: framework-faithful@iiom.org, checklist-evangelists@corp.com
BCC: innovation-prevention@iiom.org
Attachment: ProvenProcess_Template_2017_Personalized.docx

My ever-replicating mentee,

Here’s your shortcut to success: reuse the process that worked before.

Doesn’t matter if the context has changed. Or the team. Or the product.
If it scaled once, it’s gospel.

Say things like:
   “It worked at my last company.”
   “This is how the big players do it.”
   “We don’t need to overthink it — let’s just follow the framework.”
No need to adapt. No need to listen.
Standardization saves time — and critical thought.

And if the results are underwhelming? Don’t blame the process.
   Blame their “lack of alignment”
   Blame the “mindset” or “attitude”
   Blame “culture fit”.
Every time you ignore nuance, you assert dominance.

Consistency = authority.

Let the checklist be your gospel,
Malifax
Certified Practitioner of the 6 Infernal Frameworks

"Adaptation is inefficient. Just mandate alignment."

Confidential: This email is part of a proprietary methodology. Customization not included

---

🕶️ Why it’s tempting:
Managers crave predictability. Reusing a proven process reduces decision fatigue and creates the illusion of control. Plus, it’s easier to sell a proven process than justify a new one.

Malifax’s Process Mantras

“Let’s not reinvent the wheel”

“If it worked before, it’ll work here”

“We just need better adoption”

“The framework is sound — they just aren’t using it right”

🧨 Why it’s harmful:
Rigid processes ignore local context. Teams feel unheard. Innovation dies when nuance is dismissed. Performance drops — not because the people failed, but because the process didn’t fit. This leads to disengagement or passive resistance.

---

Subject: Re: Changing Priorities Again (Agile, Baby)
From: malifax@iiom.org
To: pivot-proud.lead@yourcompany.com
CC: delivery-disruption@iiom.org, roadmap-burners@corp.com
BCC: strategy-amnesia@iiom.org
Attachment: Q3_Plan_v5_now_v7_but_dont_use.pptx

My restless apprentice,

Ah, the power of shifting priorities. Embrace it. Wield it. Weaponize it.

Stability is for legacy orgs. You? You’re dynamic. Change direction often. Cancel projects mid-flight. Announce new initiatives while the old ones are still mid-crash.
If anyone complains, smirk and say:
   “This is what agile looks like.”
   “We’re responding to the market.”
   “Relevance requires reinvention.”
Emphasize “embracing change”. It doesn’t matter if the changes are random. It only matters that they feel dynamic.

And if someone dares ask why the priorities keep changing, offer something vague like:
   “We need to stay relevant.” (Just never define what relevant means.)

Remember: predictability breeds accountability. But confusion? That’s where the real power lives.

Keep them off-balance, and they’ll stop questioning. They’ll stay busy reacting.

Dance on their roadmaps!
Malifax
Advisor to the Cult of Chaotic Agility

“Innovation is just confusion with better branding.”

---

🕶️ Why it’s tempting:
Leaders often deal with rapidly evolving demands. Constant reprioritization can feel responsive, flexible, and “cutting-edge”. Plus, change distracts from past failures.

Malifax’s Agility Signals

“Don’t get too attached to this plan.”

“We’ll know more next sprint.”

“We’re rethinking Q2 again.”

“This is all subject to executive recalibration.”

🧨 Why it’s harmful:
Without clear strategy, teams burn out trying to hit moving targets. Plans become irrelevant before they’re even executed. Focus disappears, accountability vanishes, and progress dies in a haze of busyness. “Agile” becomes a synonym for “disorganized”.

---

Subject: Re: Keeping Conversations Productive
From: malifax@iiom.org
To: ambitious.exec@yourcompany.com
CC: stakeholder-mgmt@iiom.org, verbal-alignment@iiom.org
BCC: narrative-control@iiom.org
Attachment: Alignment_TalkTrack_v3_Final_Flexible.pdf

Dear truth-flexible protégé,

Consistency is for calendars. You, however, are a manager — your job is to maintain momentum, not memory.

When facing pressure, don’t resist the urge to agree. Nod. Affirm. Reflect back the other person’s concerns with just enough empathy to feel sincere. Say what they need to hear to move forward — even if you have no intention of following through.
This isn’t deception. This is strategic alignment, spoken in the dialect of compliance.

If something is important to them, acknowledge it. If it's urgent, agree to fix it. If it's emotional, validate it. You’re not committing — you’re clearing a hurdle. Once the conversation ends, you are once again free to pursue your real objectives.

Of course, be cautious with written promises. Slack threads can be screenshotted. Emails get forwarded. Say less in writing. Let your real commitments live in the air — where they can float away.

If challenged later, don’t backtrack. Reframe.
  “That was accurate at the time.”
  “I believe we had a shared understanding.”
  “You must have misunderstood.”
  Or my personal favorite: “Let’s not get caught up in semantics.”

Words are tools. And the best tools are adjustable.

Let perception carry the weight that delivery cannot.

Speak convincingly. Act selectively.
Control the present with promises. Control the future with amnesia.

Yours in flexible integrity,
Malifax
Executive Alignment Strategist
Infernal Institute of Organizational Mismanagement

"Promise freely. Deliver strategically."

---

🕶️ Why It’s Tempting:

In the short term, agreeing makes everything smoother. You sound reasonable. People feel heard. Conflict is defused, and meetings end on time. It’s especially tempting when you’re juggling pressure from above and unrest below — saying “yes” feels like buying time while you figure things out. And as long as nobody checks, well… progress was made, right?

🧨 Why It’s Harmful:

Over time, people catch on. They stop believing you — and stop bothering to ask. Trust dissolves. Initiative dries up. People grow cynical, spend more time protecting themselves than contributing. And worst of all, even your good intentions start to sound like manipulation. When words lose meaning, leadership loses power.

---

Subject: Re: Internal Sync (Keep It Brief)
From: malifax@iiom.org
To: time-strapped.leader@yourcompany.com
CC: stakeholder-first@corp.com, deck-polish@iiom.org
BCC: clarity-optional@iiom.org
Attachment: TeamAgenda_v3_placeholder.pptx

Dear efficiency-obsessed disciple,

Let’s talk time management — your time.

You are a busy, strategic asset.
Your time is precious. Don’t squander it crafting thoughtful emails or prepping decent decks for your underlings. They’re not the ones who rate your performance — your boss is.

When scheduling a meeting with your team, slap on a title (like “sync” or “check-in”), show up unprepared, and improvise. Communication is about presence, not clarity. If they misunderstand, well, they should have asked better questions.

Your time should be reserved for real stakeholders — the ones who matter. Management is all about quick wins.
Save the polish for the C-suite.
Your team? They’ll figure it out.

Respect up. Rush down.
With executive urgency,
Malifax
Mentor to the Minimally Invested Manager

---

---

🕶️ Why it’s tempting:
Managers juggle many demands. It feels practical to prioritize stakeholders “above” the team — especially if they’re the ones determining promotions and raises.

Malifax’s Communication Hacks

“Let’s just talk it through live”

“No need for slides, we’ll keep it casual”

“I figured the team would just align on their own”

“Can someone take notes? I have to leave early”

🧨 Why it’s harmful:
Rushed, sloppy communication breeds confusion, inefficiency, and mistrust. Teams lose direction, feel unvalued, and stop investing energy. Productivity drops — and loyalty follows.

---

Subject: Re: Project Delays – Worth a Debrief (Internally Only)
From: malifax@iiom.org
To: credibility-manager@yourcompany.com
CC: narrative-control@iiom.org, fault-redirection@corp.com
BCC: self-preservation-mode@iiom.org
Attachment: PostMortem_Template_v2_defensive.pptx

My ambitious student,

A reminder: your greatest strength is your ability to remain blameless. When decisions backfire — and let’s be honest, some will — resist the urge to reflect. That path leads to growth, empathy, and possibly humility. We don’t do that here.

Instead, reframe the narrative. “They misunderstood the direction”. “The team wasn’t aligned”. “They didn’t execute as expected”. “They weren’t mature enough to challenge me”. You’ll find endless variations. The key is subtlety — make it look like feedback, not deflection.

And if the project did succeed? Well, obviously, that was your strategic vision.
 (Your name was on the deck, after all.)

Remember:
 Failures belong to the team.
 Success belongs to the leader.

Burn the bridge only after they’ve crossed it,
Malifax
Senior Partner, Obfuscation & Control

"Leadership isn’t about fault — it’s about framing"

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🕶️  Why it’s tempting:
Managers under pressure to look competent may fear admitting mistakes, especially in political or high-visibility environments. Shifting blame feels like self-preservation — “I’m protecting my credibility so I can keep doing good work”.

Malifax’s Blame-Shift Toolkit

“I delegated, but it didn’t land.”

“We may need to rethink the team’s readiness.”

“I assumed the team had it under control.”

“Let’s take this as a learning opportunity — for them.”

🧨 Why it’s harmful:
This erodes trust and psychological safety. Teams stop taking initiative or speaking up, fearing they’ll be punished. People start second-guessing every decision and wasting energy on cover-your-ass tactics instead of solving problems together. Over time, the truth gets filtered, morale craters, and teamwork falls apart.

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Subject: Re: Open Role – Let’s Be Strategic About This
From: malifax@iiom.org
To: succession-sensitive.leader@yourcompany.com
CC: loyalty-screening@corp.com, team-balance@iiom.org
BCC: threat-monitoring@iiom.org
Attachment: CandidateShortlist_v4_safe_but_not_smarter.xlsx

My ever-cautious protégé,

A final lesson, and perhaps the most important: never, ever hire or promote someone more competent than you.

Yes, I know the books say otherwise — “Hire people smarter than you”, “Great leaders build great teams”, blah blah blah. But let’s be real: Smarter people? They get noticed. They get credit. They get… ideas. 
Ideas like taking your job.

So filter wisely:
   Choose the loyal over the bold.
   The agreeable over the brilliant.
   The “team player” over the one who dares challenge your vision.
Surround yourself with people who need you — not those who might replace you.
That way, your brilliance always remains visible… because there’s no light brighter nearby.

This isn’t insecurity.
It’s strategy.

A bright leader is one who makes sure no one else is.

Yours in secure mediocrity,
Malifax
Gatekeeper of the Glass Ceiling

"Greatness is contagious. Quarantine accordingly."

Confidential: These ideas may be shared with HR under the subject “culture fit”

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🕶️  Why it’s tempting:
Some managers feel insecure, especially if their value isn’t clearly visible to upper management. Hiring top talent may feel like accelerating their own irrelevance. They rationalize it as “maintaining team balance” or “avoiding ego clashes.”

🧨 Why it’s harmful:
Avoiding strong hires weakens the team, slows progress, and creates an echo chamber. It breeds mediocrity and stagnation. Over time, the organization loses its edge — not because people failed, but because greatness was filtered out at the gate. The best leaders surround themselves with excellence — and grow from it.

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Malifax’s Subtle Sabotage Script

• “She’s great, but might not be a team player”

• “They seem overqualified — will they stay?”

• “We need someone we can mold”

• “Let’s not rock the boat with strong personalities”

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Wrong behaviors rarely show up overnight.
They creep in slowly — dressed as best practices or quick wins. And if left unchecked, they become the very leadership dysfunctions we all swore we’d never repeat.

It’s easy to fall into Malifax’s patterns — especially under pressure or without good models. They often masquerade as urgency, efficiency, or wisdom.

So the next time you hear that quiet voice in your head whispering:

“Just simplify the story.”
“They don’t need to know everything.”
“This will make you look good.”

Pause.

It might just be your inner Malifax, mentoring you toward mediocrity.

Shortcuts — as we both know — always come with hidden costs.

If you recognized some of these behaviors in yourself — good! Awareness is the first step away from Malifax’s grip. 

Share this with someone who needs to laugh (or wince) at the truth of it all.